One Week

One week from today I will be sitting at my desk at the hospital while William is in the arms of one of his daycare teachers, or more likely in a bouncer or kicking away on an activity mat on the floor. I've had many up and down feelings about returning to work, but deep down I know this is the best decision for our family. Grant and I have spent hours discussing all of the pros and cons about whether or not I'd return, and I am so thankful for a husband that always supports my decisions no matter what. I'll only be returning to work part-time, and I feel so incredibly blessed that I was given this opportunity. In a way I feel like I'm getting the best of both worlds, time at home with my baby and some adult stimulation. As much as I've struggled with job related stress in the past, I'm really going to work on my perspective and attitude about work. Ultimately, William is now my main priority and he comes first no matter what.

Yesterday I "practiced" dropping William off at daycare while I went up to the hospital for a quick meeting with my boss. Tears were shed and it was definitely not easy, but as I drove away I thanked God that we are able to send William to the daycare of our choice and that I'm able to continue to focus on my career and personal goals for myself. By no means am I saying the transition back to work is going to be easy or even pleasant but I'm praying that God will give me the peace I so desperately need as I leave William in the care of someone else. The meeting with my boss went really well and she was very supportive and acknowledged how difficult it is going to be for me to leave him after spending everyday all day with him for 12 weeks. It also helped that everyone was so excited to see me and my phone was being passed from one person to the next so they could look at pictures of William. That's what honestly made me feel the most comfortable and excited to go back to work. This sounds cheesy but our Hematology/Oncology team at Children's Hospital is very close.

I only left him for 3 hours, but his teachers gave me an excellent report. They said he is a very "chill" baby and he didn't seem phased at all by the new environment. One of the perks of the daycare we have chosen is that there are cameras in the rooms, so we are able to log on anytime during the day and see what little William is up to. Grant watched William on the camera from his office the entire time he was there. I was in a meeting so didn't get to watch him yesterday but I know I'll be logged on next Friday. The best moment of my day was when I picked him up from daycare. He was happy when I walked in the room (Praise be to God) and he smiled the biggest I've ever seen when I bent down to pick him up. The waterworks were turned on again by this sweet moment when we were reunited. I realize I sound absolutely ridiculous but it was a BIG day for me. I'll update more next week after my first real day back at work.